Current mood: okay
There is an amazing blog online where the creator asks people to absolve themselves of their secrets by creating a postcard with their secret on it and mail it to them. He posts these anonymous secrets online, and has been able to publish 3 (I think) books with these amazing stories all wrapped in a single postcard.
It's astounding to be able to read through them and see how many people are thinking similar thoughts. Whether they be silly, stinging or thought-provoking, it is an awe inspiring situation each week.
Check it out: http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
Currently listening :
Something to Remember
By Madonna
Release date: 07 November, 1995
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
History of Chris, volume 1
Current mood: distressed
Tuesday, September 14, 1979
5:28am
Louisville, KY
Christopher Alan Stewart. Born to Linda & Alan Stewart. 5lbs 6oz.
One of my first memories is Florida. Just after I was born, we moved to St. Petersburg, Florida(1); and I remember the geckos. And sand. Not much else. We moved back to Louisville, KY(2) shortly after and I began school.
In my kindergarten year, we moved to rural, central Kentucky(3). We were miles from any grocery store and over a mile from our nearest neighbors. We raised chickens, rabbits, and vegetables. We were in a 'holler', for those of you with the Southern vernacular down (a small valley for the rest of you); and shared that space with a huge strawberry farm and numerous livestock. I 'grew up' playing in fields and streams, with animals and mostly... myself. As an only child, it was up to me to entertain myself. I have a half-sister, eleven years older than I, who moved out just before this move to rural Kentucky.
My family was middle-class, father owning and working a restaurant hood and vent cleaning business; so he was gone nights. My mom worked as a cafeteria lady at my school, until I entered fifth grade. We weren't poor but certainly were on the bottom of the scale... not going without, or that I noticed. Looking back, I remember things that might have hinted as such, but didn't have the ability to recognize them then.
This brings us to age 9 or so. We moved to Holy Cross, KY (4), into a dilapidated farmhouse that had a trailer attached to the back (the redneck version of an add-on). This is where I made one of my first friends (naturally a girl). It wasn't long after meeting her did I know I was different.
[..to be continued..]
Currently listening :
The Dutchess
By Fergie
Release date: 19 September, 2006
Tuesday, September 14, 1979
5:28am
Louisville, KY
Christopher Alan Stewart. Born to Linda & Alan Stewart. 5lbs 6oz.
One of my first memories is Florida. Just after I was born, we moved to St. Petersburg, Florida(1); and I remember the geckos. And sand. Not much else. We moved back to Louisville, KY(2) shortly after and I began school.
In my kindergarten year, we moved to rural, central Kentucky(3). We were miles from any grocery store and over a mile from our nearest neighbors. We raised chickens, rabbits, and vegetables. We were in a 'holler', for those of you with the Southern vernacular down (a small valley for the rest of you); and shared that space with a huge strawberry farm and numerous livestock. I 'grew up' playing in fields and streams, with animals and mostly... myself. As an only child, it was up to me to entertain myself. I have a half-sister, eleven years older than I, who moved out just before this move to rural Kentucky.
My family was middle-class, father owning and working a restaurant hood and vent cleaning business; so he was gone nights. My mom worked as a cafeteria lady at my school, until I entered fifth grade. We weren't poor but certainly were on the bottom of the scale... not going without, or that I noticed. Looking back, I remember things that might have hinted as such, but didn't have the ability to recognize them then.
This brings us to age 9 or so. We moved to Holy Cross, KY (4), into a dilapidated farmhouse that had a trailer attached to the back (the redneck version of an add-on). This is where I made one of my first friends (naturally a girl). It wasn't long after meeting her did I know I was different.
[..to be continued..]
Currently listening :
The Dutchess
By Fergie
Release date: 19 September, 2006
Reflection
Current mood: contemplative
Things I have learned in the last few months:
1. People can make a difference in that you won't know until they aren't around anymore.
2. Having no self-imposed restrictions is an amazingly liberating feeling.
3. Starting over with a new person is hard.
4. One of the most volatile combinations is fear and love.
5. Few things hurt worse than someone saying 'no', but you both know they mean 'yes, but I'm too scared to try'
6. Drinking is but a temporary fix to any problem.
7. Being comfortable makes the lines between right and wrong blur.
8. Never underestimate the power of alcohol to both make conversations amazing, and strip you of the ability to remember them.
9. Sleeping next to someone you really enjoy is one of the best feelings in the world.
10. Forcing yourself to have patience can be one of the worst.
Currently listening :
Like Blood Like Honey
By Holly Brook
Release date: 06 June, 2006
Things I have learned in the last few months:
1. People can make a difference in that you won't know until they aren't around anymore.
2. Having no self-imposed restrictions is an amazingly liberating feeling.
3. Starting over with a new person is hard.
4. One of the most volatile combinations is fear and love.
5. Few things hurt worse than someone saying 'no', but you both know they mean 'yes, but I'm too scared to try'
6. Drinking is but a temporary fix to any problem.
7. Being comfortable makes the lines between right and wrong blur.
8. Never underestimate the power of alcohol to both make conversations amazing, and strip you of the ability to remember them.
9. Sleeping next to someone you really enjoy is one of the best feelings in the world.
10. Forcing yourself to have patience can be one of the worst.
Currently listening :
Like Blood Like Honey
By Holly Brook
Release date: 06 June, 2006
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Half of... what?
Here's my philosophy. There are people who are natural magnets, those who attract their polar opposites, and eventually, in that sea of magnets, find the one that naturally are drawn to them. There are those who seem to be electro-magnets, whose alternating and varying currents draw a variety of people to them romantically throughout their lives. And there are those people (not unlike myself) who are like a magnet broken in half. They will draw many kinds of other magnets, but only one will fit perfectly and spend the entirety of their magnet lives trying to find the other half.
I've always thought it to be bullshit when people label themselves as half of one whole, those who require another to make them whole or complete. "You complete me" Jerry Maguire? Bullshit. Or so I thought. Being the ultra-sensitive person that my friends and exes can attest met to be, I'm not so sure anymore. While I, like everyone else, have spent my time alone, I find myself to be so much more when with someone, even when being 'with' someone is a facade created within my mind. Whether this is a fault or a factor default, or perhaps a programmed response, it seems to be who I am.
Finding myself in a situation where someone might want to be with me but can't, and another where he could be with me but isn't, just really makes one take stock of the entire relationship situation and attempt to say, "Hey, being in a relationship is bullshit... but I can't help but yearn for it"
Point being, swimming through vodka to find it, is that relationships of any caliber are hard. And breaking off those that are no longer beneficial, except through your own devices, are the most difficult.
If you find yourself in the same situation, as I expect we all do... I wish you luck. And offer you the ear and shoulder of someone whose been through the same time and time again.
Currently listening :
Back to Black
By Amy Winehouse
Release date: 13 March, 2007
I've always thought it to be bullshit when people label themselves as half of one whole, those who require another to make them whole or complete. "You complete me" Jerry Maguire? Bullshit. Or so I thought. Being the ultra-sensitive person that my friends and exes can attest met to be, I'm not so sure anymore. While I, like everyone else, have spent my time alone, I find myself to be so much more when with someone, even when being 'with' someone is a facade created within my mind. Whether this is a fault or a factor default, or perhaps a programmed response, it seems to be who I am.
Finding myself in a situation where someone might want to be with me but can't, and another where he could be with me but isn't, just really makes one take stock of the entire relationship situation and attempt to say, "Hey, being in a relationship is bullshit... but I can't help but yearn for it"
Point being, swimming through vodka to find it, is that relationships of any caliber are hard. And breaking off those that are no longer beneficial, except through your own devices, are the most difficult.
If you find yourself in the same situation, as I expect we all do... I wish you luck. And offer you the ear and shoulder of someone whose been through the same time and time again.
Currently listening :
Back to Black
By Amy Winehouse
Release date: 13 March, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
The Rain Cleanseth
Tonight I had a life-altering experience.
After a day of stress, heart troubles, anger, wraught and more, I decided that, although I was out of cigarettes, I needed more. I began to walk to the corner convenience store... however, their ATM was out of order and I would have to walk another 5 blocks to the next. With the temperature a beautiful 75 degrees and gorgeous, with lightning painting pieces of the sky a beautiful lavender that could rival any flower, and thunder tickling the lower ranges of the ear's spectrum, I thought... what the hell. I began to walk and as I walked I thought of the day's troubles and strife and began to build up steam, both in speed and temper.
I reached the next convenience store, made my purchase and walked outside to light a cigarette. No sooner had I finished when the tiniest drops of rain began, like condensation on a glass from a summer's day. I praised the rain, I welcomed it. And as I walked I took my shirt off, now clad only in shorts and sneakers. The rain came and when it seemed to hide as I passed under trees, I walked into the street and beckoned it.
It seemed as each drop hit my skin, my worries, my cares, my ill-gotten concerns and my unnecessary troubles melted. It was a physical feeling more than an emotional one. And as I walked, I picked up stride. There was a spring in my step. The rain began to soften, and I asked it to come again, and it did. Then it fell harder, as if testing my resolve. I passed my street and the next. And the next.
I wound up walking over a mile in the rain, both pouring and sprinking. And as it fell, I sang. Songs of rain, songs of love, songs of heartache and songs of life. And it was amazing.
And as I finished the last few steps before my front gate, it petered out to nearly nothing. I took my shoes and socks off and got a glass of water (irony, I realize) and sat outside to have one more smoke, and rather than heavy rain, the thunder sang out to me as if to say, this was for you... realize it and enjoy it.
And I did.
After a day of stress, heart troubles, anger, wraught and more, I decided that, although I was out of cigarettes, I needed more. I began to walk to the corner convenience store... however, their ATM was out of order and I would have to walk another 5 blocks to the next. With the temperature a beautiful 75 degrees and gorgeous, with lightning painting pieces of the sky a beautiful lavender that could rival any flower, and thunder tickling the lower ranges of the ear's spectrum, I thought... what the hell. I began to walk and as I walked I thought of the day's troubles and strife and began to build up steam, both in speed and temper.
I reached the next convenience store, made my purchase and walked outside to light a cigarette. No sooner had I finished when the tiniest drops of rain began, like condensation on a glass from a summer's day. I praised the rain, I welcomed it. And as I walked I took my shirt off, now clad only in shorts and sneakers. The rain came and when it seemed to hide as I passed under trees, I walked into the street and beckoned it.
It seemed as each drop hit my skin, my worries, my cares, my ill-gotten concerns and my unnecessary troubles melted. It was a physical feeling more than an emotional one. And as I walked, I picked up stride. There was a spring in my step. The rain began to soften, and I asked it to come again, and it did. Then it fell harder, as if testing my resolve. I passed my street and the next. And the next.
I wound up walking over a mile in the rain, both pouring and sprinking. And as it fell, I sang. Songs of rain, songs of love, songs of heartache and songs of life. And it was amazing.
And as I finished the last few steps before my front gate, it petered out to nearly nothing. I took my shoes and socks off and got a glass of water (irony, I realize) and sat outside to have one more smoke, and rather than heavy rain, the thunder sang out to me as if to say, this was for you... realize it and enjoy it.
And I did.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Remember?
Current mood: enthralled
Guess who's going to be a Fairly Oddparent?!? ME!!! One of my best friends from Kentucky is having a baby girl in November and I've been asked to be her godfather.
It's very perspective changing to have a close friend having a child. While he is a few years older than I am, it's very disconcerting to have someone in my circle procreating. We are all still kids dammit! And yet, in my vast circle of friends and acquaintances around my age, I have marriages, divorces, kids, deaths, self-employees, business owners... it's amazing to sit back and watch the world around you change, and while it doesn't seem as though, you change with it and in response to it.
Finding myself 2300 miles from "home" and nearly a thousand miles from my surrogate home, self-employed and independent; it's enough to catch me off-guard occasionally.
I remember the days of...
...stay up all night and go to work on 2 hours or less of sleep.
...doesn't matter what you drink, have a great time!
...so what if you haven't eaten, just have a drink!
...Bills? Let's party!
...grownups just don't understand
...getting carded for cigarettes
...getting carded for the bar
...being the youngest in the bar
Now it's...
...gotta be in bed by 11 to be useful the next day
...only one kind of alcohol and plenty of ibuprofen
...I have to eat before, during or after drinking
...can't drink, have to pay bills!
...only if the cashier is a teenager
...I still get carded at bars :)
...Sometimes one of the youngest, but feel like the oldest
Yes, now I find myself saying those age defining statements like:
...Kids today are terrible!
...If that was my child...
...Today's music is awful!
...Remember when gas was under a dollar?
...What's the world coming to?
...I said I'd quit smoking when they got to $2 a pack
...Whatever happened to...
and the clincher
...That's a nice looking Buick!
Guess who's going to be a Fairly Oddparent?!? ME!!! One of my best friends from Kentucky is having a baby girl in November and I've been asked to be her godfather.
It's very perspective changing to have a close friend having a child. While he is a few years older than I am, it's very disconcerting to have someone in my circle procreating. We are all still kids dammit! And yet, in my vast circle of friends and acquaintances around my age, I have marriages, divorces, kids, deaths, self-employees, business owners... it's amazing to sit back and watch the world around you change, and while it doesn't seem as though, you change with it and in response to it.
Finding myself 2300 miles from "home" and nearly a thousand miles from my surrogate home, self-employed and independent; it's enough to catch me off-guard occasionally.
I remember the days of...
...stay up all night and go to work on 2 hours or less of sleep.
...doesn't matter what you drink, have a great time!
...so what if you haven't eaten, just have a drink!
...Bills? Let's party!
...grownups just don't understand
...getting carded for cigarettes
...getting carded for the bar
...being the youngest in the bar
Now it's...
...gotta be in bed by 11 to be useful the next day
...only one kind of alcohol and plenty of ibuprofen
...I have to eat before, during or after drinking
...can't drink, have to pay bills!
...only if the cashier is a teenager
...I still get carded at bars :)
...Sometimes one of the youngest, but feel like the oldest
Yes, now I find myself saying those age defining statements like:
...Kids today are terrible!
...If that was my child...
...Today's music is awful!
...Remember when gas was under a dollar?
...What's the world coming to?
...I said I'd quit smoking when they got to $2 a pack
...Whatever happened to...
and the clincher
...That's a nice looking Buick!
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