Angry

Today I'm angry.

 

I think to myself, "why is he texting me for two hours while sitting drunk in a bar in Wisconsin rather than this other man he's 'actively pursuing to date'?"  or why is he telling me he misses me.

 

I ponder my thoughts and wonder if it's better to be happy when alone or tortured most of the time left with my feelings but happy occasionally when I get to see him/talk to him, etc.

 

Today I want to let go.

Tumultuous

It's been a very difficult few months.  The ex and I have had our ups and downs and that in its own right is a novel.  So I'll pick up from today.  It has been 28 days, or 4 weeks, since my last cigarette.  I am no longer having physical reactions, but mentally and emotionally I am still having serious repercussions from the withdrawal of addiction.  I am so sad sometimes that it's hard to bear. 

 

In addition, the ex and I have no idea what it means to be friends or how to do it without destroying the care we have for one another and avoiding having to cut ties entirely to save our friendship and what's left of the love we have.  He has decided that he has someone he is "actively pursuing" to date, but it is going very slowly and he doesn't know if it will work out.  I, however, do not.  I am left alone with my feelings, my emotions and the uncertainty as to whether I can interact with my ex, who is really my best friend. 

 

I am trying to stay busy, stay distracted but in the classic style of depression, even the simple things have lost all their joy, it's difficult to stay focused and I am re-evaluating myself and my relationships with others.  I truly don't know if it's the experience of turning thirty, my Saturn return, quitting smoking or losing my relationship with what I feel has been my only true love... but gawd, it sucks.

 

I'm so lost.

 

I vacillate between three main stages about the ex:

1. Complete separation until I can think of him and not a) long to be with him, b) feel incredibly sad we aren't together or c) sick from the thought of him with someone else... and then try to be friends
2. Only interact via email and an occasional in-person meeting, with hopes my heart will heal (and his)
3. Try to be friends with him with rules and clear boundaries about how that occurs

He's been out of town for alomst a week and we didn't communicate at all for 3 days at all, which at first was pure torture, then gets easier.  I initiated communication and it led to the emotional floodgates breaking (on both sides) with a 4 hour online chat and a 3 hour phone conversation back to back (yes, 7 hours total). 

 

But still unsure where to be or go from here.

The Day After

It's the day after I chose to end my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him dearly, and would like to be with him, but he is new to the gay lifestyle and, speaking from experience, one can only grow as an individual on their own. He wants to go out and experience life and boys and the gay social experience... and that's hard to do (if not impossible) when one is in a committed relationship. After struggles and hardships in our eight month life together, he asked for an open relationship, but I could not oblige.

So, we decided, amicably, to move on. I'll be moving out at the end of next month.
Blogging will hopefully help with the swirl of emotions I'm fighting.

New Address Update

Yes, I know.  I owe you a new address book for all the changes.

Here's the new address:

2310 NE 8th Ave Apt 7
Portland, OR  97212

And here's links to the photos of the super-cute new place:

http://virgored.com/2310

 

We actually have furniture and some stuffs now, so new photos after completely unpacked (hard to do with 3 jobs) and a floorplan coming soon!

 

Busy, busy, busy!

 

Hugs,

~Chris

Update: June 2009

It's been a while... time for an update on life!

If you missed the last update, visit here to catch up ( http://thisportlandlife.blogspot.com/ )

So when we last saw our hero, it was January.  I'd just begun working again, this time working part-time at UPS (as a temp), working at the customer center.  I'm loving the job most of the time.  The job is easy, physical, and requires active problem solving.  Unfortunately our new employee doesn't have those skills, nor customer service skills, and has been added as a test of my patience and ability to deal.  There is a possibility that I may be promoted to a new area soon, which may mean full-time work and the chance of being hired!

Two months ago, I finally met an amazing guy ( see http://thisportlandlife.blogspot.com/2009/04/open-your-heart.html for the story ).  I am convinced that after years of near perfect, close to perfect, almost perfect... I've finally found one that is not perfect, but is perfect for me.   I love him dearly, and Will is the light of my life, the apple of my coffee, the cream of my eye, the... wait, what?  You get the picture.  He's dreamy.  ( proof here )

On that note, we are looking for a place together to move to this month.  Moving is always rough, but this time neither he nor I own anything more than clothing and computers.  I have a few bookcases.  No other furniture.  For the third time in my life, I'm starting over from scratch domestically (apartment in KY, apartment in CA, now here... each time I sold/gave away everything when I moved)  It's an adventure and one I'm ready to embark upon with an amazing person. 

Zora is doing well, she has been chosen as the official emcee for the Portland Pride Parade  and is hosting the largest lesbian party for Pride, called GET OUT! , in addition to performing with the Lipz Cabaret every 2nd & 4th Saturday and making appearances at events for the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and working on the re-birth of the show I ran in LA:  The Phoenix Variety Revue!  This show debuts in July and  I'm uber-excited!

All is well and more goodness coming soon, I hope, so YAY!

Things have been a cross between busy-busy and hibernating when not, so I may not have been in touch as much... so YOU CAN CALL/EMAIL/TXT ME, TOO.  Please do!

Hugs, love, and bestest wishes!

Chris Stewart | virgored@gmail.com | www.virgored.com

---

Open Your Heart

So...

I meet this incredibly cute guy at a bar I frequent. I try to hit on him gently, but having no game *whatsoever* I wind up talking to him while he and I are either on the road to boozy or heading back. I am at the bar for a birthday party and after a few (dozen) drinks I finally muster up the guts to go talk to him at length. And I bring the camera. I take pictures with him, me, the birthday boy and more.

The following week, I'm working at the same bar and come up to talk to him again. He doesn't recognize me and after giving some more information about the previous week, he is in denial that there were photos taken. Bets are made that I do, in fact, have pictures, finally settling on a dollar. I tell him that I can email him evidence if he cares to email me, and hand him my card.

The following day I'm pleasantly surprised to receive an email from him asking about the photos. I send them off with a smirk on my face.

I am again pleasantly surprised to hear back from him the same day: "I don't believe it. I mean I believe it from seeing it, but don't believe it. You win, the next time you see me there will be a dollar hidden somewhere on my body."

Two weeks pass and I don't see him at the bar. I *almost* forget about him, then randomly run into him again. I notice he is (again) sitting alone and invite him to join us at my table of friends. We chat, I buy him a beer or two, we chat, we dance to mushy karaoke song (Silver Springs). He asks if I hang out late or leave early. I say normally midnight, but tonight later. He offers to make sure I get home okay, if I don't mind the company. With a suppressed giddy giggle, I say sure!

He takes me home, spends the night cuddling and kissing and talking. The start of a four-day marathon of getting to know one another, and falling into intense like.

And by the way, I did get the dollar.

It's good. I likes. No expectations.

The boy. And my what a boy.

Update: January 2009

Hello all, a lot has happened since my last email... and I'm not sure where to begin so I'll recap where we were:

As of Friday March 14, I accepted a permanent position with Portland General Electric (www.portlandgeneral.com) in the Community Affairs department.

That, unfortunately (or fortunately, actually) didn't work out. The position both wasn't quite was it was represented to be, and the supervisor was extremely difficult to work with/for and her difficulty was why there had been multiple people in the position in the previous 6 months. Anyway, here's the timeline:

August 9, my grandmother passed away.
August 11, left for vacation to attend a wedding and see friends in SoCal
August 19, returned from vacation
August 20, laid off/let go.

I began to draw unemployment but it took 3 weeks to kick in, and was much, much less than either expected or needed. My roommate situation was deteriorating quickly, then the added stress of not being able to pay rent except in weekly increments and still finding a way to eat and travel. I was left with less than $75 week ($20+ need in transit alone), then less and less. My phone was disconnected several times, I wound up taking a loan (cash advance) from the bank to get the phone back on (gotta have a phone to find a job) and through the kindness of a few friends and family was the only way I was stretching out food and making it, along with the few paying gigs as Zora.

I signed up with 6 temp agencies, to no avail, as they had no positions open; receiving no responses from resumes... it was terrible. A friend of mine offered a better home in which to live and I moved in the beginning of November a mile or so from my previous house to a quieter and happier home with my friend and his partner. However, stress and money woes made Christmas suck ass as a result. The day after Christmas (if you didn't read this craziness already STOP NOW AND READ: http://thisportlandlife.blogspot.com/2009/01/unbelievable-day-after-christmas-my.html) It was the crap icing on the shit cake known as 2008.

HOWEVER (this is where the scene lighting gets brighter and soft music starts playing...)
I received a phone call from one of the temp agencies, with an offer to work at the Customer Service Counter of a worldwide package delivery company (name withheld for now), part-time, but for a decent rate. I started 12/30 and at first my body rebelled at standing and running for 7 + hours as well as lifting packages all day... but now I'm both loving it and feeling good doing some exercise. It's located close to my house (2.5 miles) and I am also walking to work (free shuttle service home is a nice perk of this job) and that gives me a chance to listen to music/podcasts as well as get limber for work. The job is unlike my last... ten years of work... but is active problem solving, as well as a fun game of 3D Tetris organizing boxes. Basically, I'm the person you come see to get your delivery if we tried to deliver a package and you weren't home, or if there is an exception, like incorrect address, moved or info needed; as well as providing one-on-one service to assist customers with shipping needs. Fun! I really like it!

THEN, on January 6th, I received a phone call Tuesday from a gentleman at CBS Studios, andhe had a scout in Portland looking for flyers that were representative of Portland's style and they grabbed a recent poster I did for the New Year's Eve event for which I was the event manager/graphic designer/emcee. He said he loved the poster and wanted to use it as set dressing in the filming of their pilot for a comedy-drama called 'Light Years'. He asked for my email and I was sent a legal document releasing rights for them to use it in the show (attached). There is no remuneration, just promotion, and he asked for other artwork I've done, which I directed him to my website at www.PrinterActiveMedia.com

which has a slideshow of select graphic design work I've done. So artwork I've done may be featured on a national television show!!! More info on that as soon as I know, and if you want to see the flyer, it's located at http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3134/3116980193_fb3657ab47_m.jpg

AND, Zora has been receiving great press and bookings lately, as she's involved with several high-profile events including:
a monthly burlesque show at a local biker bar (no, really!): The local newsweekly, the Willamette Week had this to say:
Big Top Bottoms Up
Vintage pinup Bettie Page is no longer with us, but her spirit lives on at this monthly burlesque show. Miss Frankie Tease and Voodoo Tutu pay tribute to the black-banged beauty at the show, which is emceed by drag comedian Zora Phoenix and features bellydancing by Sparrow, plus burlesque performances by Baby Le'Strange and Tease-O-Rama '07 veteran Charlotte Treuse. Husband-and-wife duo Boy and Bean provide the bump-and-grind soundtrack, and your first raffle ticket is free. HEATHER WISNER. Kelly's Olympian, 426 SW Washington St., 382-9321. 8 pm Wednesday, Jan. 7. $5. Map
http://wweek.com/events/latest/performance/

Those were their words, not ours... I guess I'm a drag comedian!

Also, Zora is now part of the cast of the Lipz Cabaret, (the best little show in the best little bar in Vancouver, WA) performing twice monthly on the second and fourth Saturdays.

She is still part of the rotating guest cast of the Superstar Divas, appearing every 1st and 3rd Sunday of the Month; as well as emceeing a monthly men's social night at a local nightclub every 2nd Tuesday of the month. There are also booking inquiries for other events, as performer, emcee and even a fashion model event coming in May!

Phew! Things are looking up now and I'm proud to say I have a new positive outlook on life this year, setting goals (and breaking them into attainable mini-goals or project steps) and making things happen.

To those of you I may have neglected in the past few months, I do hope this sheds some light on why. My energy levels have been dangerously low, my weight has fluctuated and I've been borderline manic for some time... even phone calls could set me off to need a nap, drink or could start a mood swing. Please accept my apologies and know that while I'm not always reachable, I'm always thinking fondly of you in my heart. I wish you the best of everything in 2009 and hope to talk soon! Please email me, call me, text me, MySpace me, Facebook me... send a smoke signal if you have to and let me know how you are!

Not sure who Zora is? More info on her here: www.ZoraPhoenix.com

2009... looking better already!

Unbelievable Day after Christmas (my true story)

Originally from December 26, 2008

I have to share my day after Christmas, because of its outrageousness and whoa factor.

I got up, rented a truck to pick up supplies and wood for a friend's project.  We got the truck stuck in the snow of the parking lot of the lumber store.  Finally, after rocking the pickup back and forth for 20 minutes, I was able to get the truck unstuck and into the street... going the wrong way on a busy one way.  

I got turned around and we headed to the location where we were to drop off the wood.  I park in the middle of the street, which is a side street and full of snow, was only plowed probably once right after the snowfall.  I get out of the truck, step into the snow and kick something.  I look down.  It's a gun. 

It appears to be a pellet gun to me, so I think "we wouldn't want this laying around" and I put it in the backseat of the truck.  I proceed to forget about it for the next 2+ hours, between sliding on the roads, watching the other drivers, and getting the truck stuck again after trying to return it to its parking spot.  I do get the truck unstuck after another 30 minutes of rocking and spinning tires.  I finally park it in an adjacent spot and call Zipcar and tell them the deal.  I load up my things, including the aforementioned gun, and walk a mile home, with the gun in a plastic Safeway grocery bag.

When I get home, I take the gun to the garage and lock it there, awaiting the arrival of my roommate, who was in the military.  In the interim, I go to turn on my computer and... it's fried.   (Note:  I'd had the computer for 31 days as of yesterday).  I spent a total of 4 hours on the phone with tech support, half of which was interrupted when their system went down in the middle of our call and they were to call me back. 

The roommate arrives after the first round of tech calls and during the wait time for the second round.  I take him to the garage and his eyes get big.  He says "When you said 'gun', I didn't know you meant a semi-automatic pistol.... that's loaded."  I call the police and explain that I've found a gun in the snow, they say they'll send an officer out.

Officer arrives (at the same time that HP Tech Support calls back mind you), basically reads me the riot act that I didn't call the police immediately.  I explain I have never seen a gun in my life, much less handled one, and had a) no idea what it was and b) was more concerned with it not being in the middle of the street in the snow.  He takes the gun (which my roommate had previously cleared and unloaded the clip).  He writes me an evidence receipt which states "one Springfield Armory 40 caliber semi-automatic pistol.  one magazine clip with 40 cal hollow point bullets". 

Then I call HP back, and to wrap up, basically my computer powersupply or motherboard are fried and they need to ship me a box to ship them my pc for repair.  At least 2 weeks with no computer. Again.

What a day.

Busy days are sometimes the best

I had a good day today, after getting up and getting moving, I was able to answer some emails, and get some lunch... and then walked the 2.5 miles to work today!  Great way to start the day, walking to the beat of music from my Blackberry and getting my blood pumping.  Unfortunately (or fortunately) it only took me 25 minutes to walk the distance that Google told me would take 45 minutes, so I showed up to work a half an hour early... but we were busy so I came on early.

Work, work, work (and I finally got a shirt and pants, but no badge yet.)

Came home and on the way came up with a brilliant idea:  a social networking event for gay men and women new to Portland!  I've already scouted out a domain name and thought of when, where and how... I'm so excited! 

Top that off with a considerable amount of research and work for one of my clients made for a good night...
List for my purposes only:
for OLT Productions
1.  Updated website
2.  Created contact us menu bar
3.  Added Kiss This photos
4.  Added Links page
5.  Created YouTube account
6.  Created PicasaWeb account
7.  Created feedback form
8.  Updated Google Group email settings
9.  Researched subscribe settings
10.  Created new logo (black on white, black on clear, white on clear)

And was able to calm two of my friends and business associates (though they may not be associating with one another after tonight).  Long story short:   Two event promoters I'm working with... one's calling the other a racist (she black), cause the white girl doesn't want to book her... cause the black girl has been somewhat unreliable and somewhat unstable.  We all have stress in our lives, some more than others... I more than most know that.  However to a) allow one's stress to stew one into a thick volatile mess is unacceptable and will just cause one to lose friends and business and b) to feel pity upon one's self (which we all do) to the point that one lashes out at other for the slightest misstep... see result of letter a.  I do hope we can all be friends, work together and play nicely.  Portland (and every city) is a small town.  Stealing one another's ideas and shitting on the rest are a terrible way to do business.  I live by the motto "It's showbusiness not showfriends"... however the flip side of this is that one much think of business associates as friends and enemies (frenemies, if you will), and remember to keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.  Tis similar to killing your only spy in enemy camp cause they had said somethin' you di'int like, yaknowwha'Imsaying?  Not smart.

And off to bed (after laundry and tidy).

Busy weekends

Busy day. Up at 10, spray painting posterboard to make it look vintage, then handlettering title signs for the burlesque show I'm emceeing on Wednesday.  Which was a fiasco all in itself, as I was trying to do this in the garage, where it was literally freezing temperatures.  I would plug in the heater, and all the power would go off.  Finally the roommates fixed that issue, but phew!

Then off to Vancouver for rehearsal, missed the train, was 15 minutes late, ~3 hours rehearsal in heels, as I left it started blizzarding, we already have ½ of snow or so.

Came home checked emails, got a headache, finished my book, played PS2... and chatted online, then to bed early to get rest for work.

Phew!

After a year

I decided it's time to get back to blogging, for my own purposes more than anything.

My New Year's Eve was great, busy with the Out Like That event, Kiss This. We had over 300 people through the door, and the staff at the Mt Tabor Legacy Theatre made it an amazing place to have an event! Even though the day/night was exhausting, I had fun. I was working there from 2pm through 3am, with 9 of those hours in costume. Phew!

I spent New Year's Day recovering and resting. With my computer recently dying from what I believe to be a static discharge that fried the power supply, I've been using a loaner desktop while mine is off to HP Repair Land... and it's an older PC that had little to no software installed, so I've been spending off time trying to both adjust back to Windows XP and get a few things installed to make it easier to get things done. That in itself is a huge task... and I do hope that my PC is returned to me with harddrive intact, but if not, I don't need the data... but the setup time is a real bitch. It's like a pair of shoes, it takes a while to get the comfy creases and wear into it.

I had my second day of work on Friday... phew. UPS is so backed up from the 'Arctic Blast 2008' that we are still delivering and holding packages from 12/22. I worked nearly 9 hours with no break nor lunch due to the incredible customer count through the door. It isn't difficult, but my body is protesting all the physicality after both being unemployed for 4 months and having desk jockey jobs for the past 11 years. But unloading and loading packages all day will be great exercise and who knows, I might get muscly!

For now, this is enough, as I have a lot to do tomorrow, including painting title signs for the burlesque show I'm emceeing on Wednesday and rehearsal for Saturday's show... and these are supposed to be my days off! I must learn to take Saturdays for myself and relax.

Today...
I learned: It might be harder to not smoke in the bar than I thought...
I read/am reading: Excavation, James Rollins

Reflection

Current mood: contemplative

Things I have learned in the last few months:

1. People can make a difference in that you won't know until they aren't around anymore.
2. Having no self-imposed restrictions is an amazingly liberating feeling.
3. Starting over with a new person is hard.
4. One of the most volatile combinations is fear and love.
5. Few things hurt worse than someone saying 'no', but you both know they mean 'yes, but I'm too scared to try'
6. Drinking is but a temporary fix to any problem.
7. Being comfortable makes the lines between right and wrong blur.
8. Never underestimate the power of alcohol to both make conversations amazing, and strip you of the ability to remember them.
9. Sleeping next to someone you really enjoy is one of the best feelings in the world.
10. Forcing yourself to have patience can be one of the worst.

Currently listening :
Like Blood Like Honey
By Holly Brook
Release date: 06 June, 2006

How Getting Ready for Bed Led Me to an Epiphany

This evening, after a lazy New Year's Day, I decided to snuggle into bed to watch a movie. After perusing my collection, I settled on I, Robot, starring Will Smith as a Chicago cop in 2035, suspicious of all the robots that have been created in this futuristic world. (If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend it) I put the DVD in the player and began to make my bed.

As is normal in this situation, first I took the bed linens off, then made the sheet, the blanket and the comforter. I crawled into bed and hit 'play'.

A little backstory on this movie will help further my story along, so humour me. The lead character, played by Will Smith is called upon to investigate the apparent suicide of US Robotics' lead scientist and designer. Shortly into the movie, the viewer and lead character discovers the Dr. Lenning has created a robot unlike any other before, one that appears to harbor emotion. One whose purpose is truly unique, as if he were designed for one specific purpose.

It was at this point in the movie, because I have seen the movie before, that my mind began to wander a bit, philosophically if you will. Does one have a specific purpose? Is there a specific reason for any human's existence? I pondered that a bit, and looping in increasingly larger spirals, began to question if any living thing's existence might be designed for the express purpose one (or several) tasks.

My mind led me to a recent article I read about parasites (stay with me, it'll all make sense eventually) Did you know there is a parasitic worm that has evolved in nature quite remarkably? (Again, an aside to further the story) This parasite begins in bird feces. Snails will propel themselves across the leaf or whatever surface and eat the feces, and in turn eat the parasite. The parasite takes up residence in the snails' eye stalks. As it feeds and grows, it makes the snail's eyestalks bulge and distend to look like caterpillars. Which happen to be a bird's meal, and by being eaten can be processed in the birds insides and shat... only to begin again.

I thought, now there is an example of a creature whose life cycle has been created, by evolution or design, to an explicit cycle. Perhaps humans, in some small way, are as well. As I thought about this, I glanced down and realized that during the time the movie had been on, that I had been thinking of this myriad of topics, and for quite some time now (read months), I had not noticed that I sleep to the extreme left of my queen sized bed. Anyone who has or has slept in a queen sized bed knows that there is plenty of room in width. Five feet in fact. Now, I'm no petite, but I don't need two and a half feet of room.

As this rather startling revelation came to light, I realized that I have slept on the left side of the bed for as long as I can remember. While I was partially conditioned to do so for the nearly four years I spent with my ex-husband, I also realized that I've always slept on the left side of the bed, except in the few cases when I shared my bed or another's and they preferred the left side... but I can count on one hand the times that happened and due to their small number or their significance, I also know that I sleep poorly when on the right side of the bed.

Is this proving some truth to the 'get up on the wrong side of the bed' adage? Or perhaps something even more deeply ingrained?

Following along my odd stream-of-consciousness path, I began recounting ex-lovers and boyfriends and even flings, and found that those with whom I connected most strongly, all preferred the right-side of the bed with only one exception. Could this be some kind of sign or beacon of hope? That I can wear a shirt that says "If you want to date me, you must sleep on the right side of the bed." No, not at all... but it does make for an interesting theory.

One other side story of note, not that I've had that many love interests or boyfriends, but I have found that as I grow older, I have historically been less likely to find interest (although unknowingly) in someone who sleeps on anything but the right side of the bed. If you were to chart the right-side preferrers over the left-side, it would be something like: right-right-right-left-right-left-left-left-right-left-left. It seems my odds are improving. I attribute that to an increasing complex matching system and higher level of expectations of my partner... but that's for another time.

Someday

After reading this blog post about Somedays, and thinking about my earlier 'Things to Do Before I Die' or 'Things I have Left ' list... I decided to really focus on my list. I'm trying to remember all the things on my earlier list, but I'll just have to add them later.

Somedays...

1. Take a photography class
2. Understand wines
3. Visit Florida
4. Visit England
5. Visit Ireland & Scotland
   
6. Drive cross-country
7. Learn to knit
8. Take a painting class
9. Have a huge aquarium with saltwater fish
10. Skydive
11. Learn to swim
12. Write my memoir
13. Record a CD
14. Buy a new car
15. Buy a house
16. Take control of my finances

I know there are more... but these are ones I can remember. More to come.


UPDATE: I found this while poking around my website:
TITLE: Things to Do before I Die
DATE: 2004-04-19 22:01:00
BODY:
1. Become more pleased with my musculature

2. Paint a landscape

3. Take a photography class, and own a professional quality camera

4. Fly in a plane

5. Get certified to pilot a plane.

6. Learn to scuba dive. note to self: learn to swim first.

7. Learn to cook.

8. Own a large scale aquarium.

9. Learn effectual massage.

10. Find a doctor with whom I can grow old.

11. Obtain a healthier tan.

12. Visit the beaches of south Florida.

13. Visit West Hollywood.

14. Own a Volkswagen Beetle.

15. Become more educated about the government, its workings and politics in general.

16. Own a bottle of Dom Perignon.

Perfectly Pleased

I have been so pleased with my productivity the last few days. While I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day alone, and did buy a bottle of vodka... I only had a drink or two and spent the time reorganizing, reinstalling Windows XP on my laptop, updating software and more.

Then yesterday afternoon, without even meaning to be productive, I came home and changed clothes then went to Fred Meyer (really just to browse), and came home with two organizers and made a vanity out of them... then emptied 3 lingering junk boxes from moving, sorted through dozens of unopened bills, reworked my closet to hold my luggage as well as all my shoes... YAY ME

Things I Have Left to Do

I have been keeping a list of 'Things to Do Before I Die' for years. 15 years in fact. Off and on I come across the list, usually after a move or a shuffling of items from room to room. I decided that this year would be the year I'd both refresh the list and make a commitment to cross off a few of them.

As soon as I find the list, I'll post it here to be reviewed and updated.

Christmas

I spent this Christmas completely alone, and without seeing anyone, other than the few people I passed on the street on the way to the corner store... resulting in 30 hours of solitude.

To be fair, I received a good amount of text messages and phone calls today, and it was nice to know that I was thought of, both in spirit and in wanton.

I also recorded a video of myself singing 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' and uploaded it to YouTube for the world to see. It was a single take, no editing (save for finishing touches) clip and I emailed it out for everyone to see. Hopefully they'll feel compelled to comment and send a little happy karmic comment love my way :)

It snowed pretty hard today, but alas it did not stick. Dammit. I want snow and enough to make a tribute to Calvin and Hobbes!











Merry Christmas to me... and you.